Those Words given by A Dad Which Saved Us as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the truth soon turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… every stroll. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader inability to open up among men, who still internalise harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly in front of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the space to take a break - spending a couple of days abroad, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible choices" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - hearing about their stories, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead provide the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."